Friday, April 15, 2011

The Sisterhood of the Missing Bum....

Entering my second trimester, and with the weather getting slightly warmer (I am in Canada, after all...), I recently purchased a Bella Band.

For those of you that don't know what this's like a really expensive tube top made for wearing around the belly so us pregnant ladies can still wear our "cute" jeans. You will know the moms who are wearing a Bella Band by the smile on their faces. Why smiling?

It's because of our little secret....

You don't know it, but shh, our zipper is down and pants are unbuttoned.
Yes! Hold the Aunt Jemima waffle syrup!

It's true. We are totally holding up an adult conversation with you meanwhile KNOWING that our pants are undone. This competes for a first place ribbon, against other amazing things like the power of the smell of buttered popcorn and how it convinces you to buy the large --- 'you can eat it all' (sadly, I usually do..)
Oh yeah, and we can now breathe. That's just like, a bonus. For now....give me another month or two and I am constantly on the verge of hyperventiliation.

Yes, this is great. But there is a drawback. A side effect. One that isn't really spoken about the medical community, doesn't really hit the press and completely isn't on the "care tag" of the Bella Band.

It should read: Warning, by using this product, you will lose your bum. Be aware of altitude changes and walking up hills, as you are no longer properly balanced. You will no longer have a backside. You will ensure J-Lo's celebrity status.

Yes, it is true. And I have discovered this from personal experience.
Hello, I am Ellen. I wear a Bella Band and I have lost my bum.
Question, how much of reward money should I put up?
Do I need a bounty hunter?

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